Meandering Days

The feeling comes in waves. You’re up; down. At times beside yourself. You can see it coming. The clouds swirling up in the distance, waiting to cloak your vision from the world around you. Words hit with new meanings. New feelings. Feelings you haven’t considered until this moment. Depression is a long lost relative to what you experience now.

But there isn’t time to wait. Your only option is to fight back. Fight with a sweltering rage. Fight with your heart. Fight with your mind. Fight for yourself.

Here is the open secret no one tells you but the world assumes you already know: no one cares more about you than you. This goes for everybody. We all only care for ourselves but will never admit it. Embrace this fact. This is where power comes from. Selfishness is a trait embodied by everyone. We all want the best for ourselves. We will all do whatever it takes to make ourselves better off. And better than others.

And this is another open secret no one wants to say out load but everyone thinks. We all want to be better off than everyone else. This is human nature. There is no reason to worry over thoughts like these. They are natural. Let them be.

Don’t be an asshole.

What are these waves we are feeling? The up; down; the constant cycle of energy we exude over trivial thoughts.

And then you wonder if these are your own thoughts. What if other people’s thoughts get in there too? This is bound to happen, isn’t it? We can’t live our daily lives without talking with people. Or being around people. Or picking up their shitty mannerisms. Or even listening to them talk about their own mundane lives.

Is this too much? It shouldn’t be. This is life. Your life. And everyone else’s life. This is what everyone thinks and no one wants to admit it. No one wants to admit how selfish they are about themselves. No one listens to you unless it matters to them. Deal with it.

The other day, while at work, I noticed a pattern with people coming in. They will talk to you, and they will blabber on about their own trivial bullshit. And then, when it is no longer convenient for them, they will stop listening to you. You no longer exist in their daily life. You can try to break the spell by telling them they are the most amazing, special person on the planet and they won’t care

Why is this?

Because people only give a shit about themselves and their own lives. You and I included. Everyone has main character delusion and is unwilling to realize they are NPC’s to everyone else.

This is why the feeling comes in waves. You’re up; down; feelings are all over the place. You can see it coming but don’t know how to deal with it. Now you should stop and take a step back. Let the feeling flow over you. If it feels good, let it keep washing around you. This is a energy you want to take in. If it doesn't feel good, let it go and push it away.

My writing here has become more woo-woo than I intended.

Free-form writing tends to do this though.

When you walk away from it all, how do you feel? Happy? Relieved? What types of energy are you feeling flow through your body? Again, while this all may seem a bit woo-woo, don't worry about it. Instead embrace it. This is your mind wandering a bit before it comes back with the answers you didn't even know you needed.

Now that feeling is everywhere isn't it? You can see it in the world around you. A pulsing life force filling every person and object and thing surrounding you. This is the wave. You're up; down; and the feelings focus and you now know what to do.